Month: August 2005

I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you’ve come into my life…
I’ve changed my mind.

—-
I must admit, you brought religion into my life…
– I never believed in Hell until I met you.
—-

As the days go by, I think how lucky I am….
That you’re not here to ruin it for me .
—-

Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go….
Will you take the knife from my back? You’ll probably need it again.
—-

Happy Birthday! You look great for your age….
Almost lifelike!
—-

When we were together, you said you’d die for me…
– Now we’ve broken up, I think it’s time to keep your promise.
—-

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy….
– Did you ever find out who the father was?
—-

You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket…
– I’d miss you terribly and think of you often .
—-

Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday…
So we’re having you put to sleep.
—-

Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can’t help but wonder…..
What the hell was I thinking
—-

I’m so miserable without you…
It’s almost like you’re still here.
—-

Thank you for being part of my life….
I never knew what evil was until I met you!
—-

Congratulations on your wedding day!…
Too bad no one likes your husband.
—-

How can I say this….
Your cooking kills me
—-

Hooray…..
– You’re divorced.
—-

I just want you to know that I’m sorry for what happened…
– Especially since you survived.
—-

Congrats on getting married…
It’s not everyday you decide to ruin your life.
—-

Someday I hope to marry…
Someone other than you.
—-

We have been friends for a very long time…
What do you say we stop?

If raising children was meant to be easy, would it begin with something called “labor?!”

After his divorce Mr. Lewis realized that poker isn’t the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with an astounding financial loss.

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro
Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history.

“Who said ‘Give me Liberty, or give me Death’?”

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.
“Patrick Henry, 1775.”

“Very good!” apprised the teacher. “Now, who said,
“Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not
perish from the earth?”

Again, no response except from Pedro: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed!

Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its’ history than you do!”
She heard a loud whisper: “Screw the Mexicans!”

“Who said that?” she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. “Jim Bowie, 1836.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”

The teacher glared and asked, “All right! Now, who said that?”

Again, Pedro “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yelled, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher,

“Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

Now, with almost mob hysteria, teacher said, “You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you!”

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001.”

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said,
“Oh shit, we’re in BIG trouble now!”

Pedro whispered, “Saddam Hussein, 2003.”

Ek Aadmi ne apni wife ko khat likha “Is mahine salary ke badle 100 kiss bhej raha hoon”.
Wife ne jawab diya Aap ki salary ke badle 100 kiss miley:
Hisaab bhej rahi hoon –
Doodh wala 2 kiss mein maan gaya ,
Teacher ko 7 deni padi.
Subjiwala 7 mein nahin mana is liye 9 deni padi.
Kiranewala sirf kiss se nahin mana.
Makaan malik to roj 6 -7 ley jata hai.
Aap chinta mat karna, mere paas abhi lagbhag 35 aur hai.
Mahina aaram se kat jayega.

*********
PS: kaash mai apne ghar ka kharcha aisa chala sakoo