Month: November 2005

MATRIMONIAL AD’S by PROFESSIONALS (Must Read)
*DOCTOR**
Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage.
I’m looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.

SOFTWARE ENGINEER
Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features (privileges only for the Specific User especially critical Functionalities). There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her. Low Bugs can be deferred But needs to B fixed by the Next Build. She must not be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT, USER FRIENDLY. We are ready to Test the Application & CERTIFY the product but we will assure it will never be released to ANY OTHER Customer.
BEGGAR
Allah ke nam pe koi ek biwi de de, Doosre ki nahi to apni hi de de, Allah tujhe ek ke badle do dega, Hillary hogi to Monika bhi dega

LAWYER
I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I’m looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. . Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.

BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
SHAYAR
Badi muddat ke baad ek arzoo jaagi hai, Ki hum bhi shadi shuda ho jaye, Kya vajah shadi karane ki jo kahde sahi sahi, To yaaron ab khud se kaam ghar ka hota nahi.

DRUNKER
Wanted a girl. Girl’s father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friends come home only seven times a week. Girl preferred will carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.

CAR MECHANIC
Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above average and must run the household at a good average.** ** *
*And Finally, A Chartered Accountant*
*Wanted a wife with tallied interests. Fixed Assets should be in a working Condition, not subject to depreciation. Enough long term cash liquidity is highly appreciated. Past related party disclosures is required. Inventory must be valued at present realizable value & not at historical cost. *
*Should be able to discount any contingent liabilities in future husband. Interested person please apply at…………. *

http://www.videotiger.com/baddayvideo.shtml

let me know if any of you guys also feel the same

***

Honda accord amazing advertizement
http://www.steelcitysfinest.com/HondaAccordAd.htm

A man and his wife are awakened, at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3 o’clock in the morning!
He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.
“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.
“Did you help him?” she asks.
“No, I did not, it is 3 o’clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!”
“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”
“Yes” comes back the answer.
“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.
“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.
“Where are you?” asks the husband.
“Over here on the swing!” replies the drunk.

Two women were talking. “I’m so out of shape. I’ve got to start exercising.”
The other said, “I know the feeling. I signed up for an aerobics class and I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped, and perspired for almost an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, my class was over!”

************************
“Dear son,
I’ve got another question about my new computer. How do I take a movie I recorded off of cable TV, fax it from my VCR to my CD-ROM drive so I can email it to my brother’s cell phone so he can make a copy on his camcorder?
Love, Dad.”

This happened about a month ago near Lonavala.

A guy was driving from Mumbai to Pune and decided not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down
– he’s stranded miles from nowhere.

Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest town. It’s dark and raining. And pretty soon he’s wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the rain is so heavy he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him – without thinking the guy opens the door and jumps in.

Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him – when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!

Even though there’s no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a curve coming.

Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life.
He hasn’t come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel!

The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend.

Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights. It’s a small town.

He stumbles into a dhaba, and asks for a drink, and breaks down. Then he starts talking about the horrible experience he’s just been through.

There is dead silence in the dhaba when he stops talking …..

…and that’s when Santa and Banta Singh walk into the dhaba. Santa points and says “Look Banta – that’s the weird guy who got into our car when we were pushing it.”

Management Lesson #1:
A rabbit asked an eagle resting in a tree, “Can I sit like you and do nothing?” The eagle answered, “Sure, why not?” So the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. Suddenly, a fox appeared, pounced on the rabbit, and ate it.
The Lesson? To sit and do nothing, you must be sitting very, very high.

Management Lesson #2:
A turkey said to a bull, “I would love to perch in the top of that tree but I haven’t the energy.” The bull replied, “Why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings? They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. A day later, after eating more dung, he got to the second branch. Finally, after several days of this diet, he finally made it to the top of the tree, only to be shot by a farmer.
The Lesson? Bullsh¡t might get you to the top, but it can’t keep you there.

Management Lesson #3:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
The Lesson? Not everyone who sh¡ts on you is your enemy, not everyone who gets you out of sh¡t is your friend, and, when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!