One Bengali = poet.
Two Bengalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali’s – Countrywide agitation to bring dada into Team.

One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.

One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.
Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.
Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.
Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.

One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick.

UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.

One Gujju = a share-broker in a Bombay train.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombay train.
Three Gujjus = Bombay’s noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.

One Andhraite = chilli farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.

One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara

One Bombayite = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Bombayites = film studio.
Three Bombayites = slum
Four Bombayites = the number of people standing on your foot in the train

One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar.
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.

One Marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.
Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews as a community.



Junior asks his dad, “Daddy, how was I born?”

His dad sighs and replies, “Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button. Six weeks later, your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self-extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.

Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: ‘You’ve Got Male’


Men Bashing

Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

How do men sort their laundry?
“Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable”.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
“What men know about women.”

What’s the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

What is a man’s idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini.

Why are men like commercials?
You can’t believe a word they say.

Men-tal Anxiety. . . Men-opause. . . Men-tal Breakdown. . .
Ever noticed that all problems start with MEN?

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder to “Instruction Manual.”


high school science

A teacher forwarded this list of comments from test papers, essays, etc., submitted to science and health teachers by elementary, junior high, high school, and college students. As she noted, “It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades.”

“H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water”
“To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube”
“When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide”
“Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.”
“Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.”
“Blood flows down one leg and up the other.”
“Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.”
“The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.”
“Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.”
“Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire”
“A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.”
“Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.”
“The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.”
“The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have ben taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.”
“A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.”
“The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.”
“A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.”
“Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.”
“Germinate: To become a naturalized German.”
“Liter: A nest of young puppies.”
“Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.”
“Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.”
“Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.”
“Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.”
“Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.”
“Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.”
“To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.”
“For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops.”
“For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.”
“For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in your throat.”
“To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.”
“When you breathe, you inspire. When you don’t, you expire.”
“Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.”
“The body consists of three parts — the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five — a,e, i, o, and u.”


hearing aid

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again.”
To which the gentleman said, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will five times!”



Two guys are hiking in the forest when they suddenly come across a big Grizzly bear! The one guy takes off his hiking boots and puts on some running shoes!His friend says to him “You’re crazy! There’s no use, do you know how fast Grizzlies are, you’ll never be able to out run it!” and the guy says, “I only have to out run you!”


A gracious old lady packed up her family Bible to send to her brother who lived far away. At the post office, the clerk asked her, “Is there anything breakable in here?” She replied, “Only the Ten Commandments.”


more quotes

Ø When I was born, I was so surprised I didn’t
talk for a year and a half.

Ø Join the army, see the world, meet interesting
people, and kill them.

Ø Until I was 13, I thought my name was ‘Shut

Ø I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be
there when it happens.

Ø Always and never are two words you should
always remember never to use.

Ø I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been
over served.

Ø The road to success is always under

Ø I say no to drugs — they just don’t listen!

Ø Marriage is one of the chief causes of

Ø Work is fine if it doesn’t take up too much of
your time.

Ø When everything’s coming your way, you’re in
the wrong lane.

Ø Born free; Taxed to death.

Ø Everyone has a photographic memory; some
people just don’t have film.

Ø Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

Ø Smile — it makes people wonder what you’re up

Ø I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is
the paperwork.

Ø A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case,
the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

Ø The hardest part of skating is the ice.

Ø The guy who invented the first wheel was an
idiot; the guy who invented the other three, he was
the genius.

Ø The trouble with being punc tual is that
there’s no one there to appreciate it.

Ø If our constitution allows us free speech, why
are there phone bills?

Ø If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars
in the universe, he’ll believe you. But if you tell
him a park bench has just been painted, he has to
touch it to be sure.

Ø Beat the 5 O’clock rush: leave work at noon!

Ø If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

Ø It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the
sudden stop at the end.

Ø I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your
horn louder.

Ø Hot glass looks same as cold glass. (Cunino’s
Law of Burnt Fingers)

Ø Someday is not a day of the week

Priyamvada Agrawal


random thought

The difference between involvement and commitment is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was involved – the pig was committed.
– Anirban


Interesting thought

What’s the difference between women at the age of 8, 18, 28, 38, 48 and 58?
08 – You take her to bed and tell her a story.
18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed.
28 – You don’t need to tell her any story to take her to bed.
38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
58 – You stay in bed all day to avoid hearing her story.



Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. “Did you see the morning paper?” asked Gallagher. “They say I’m dead!” “Saw it,” replied Finney. “Where’re callin’ from?”