Categories
Humor

Math Humor

My Love:
Yesterday, as I passed your rectangular house on Trigonometric Lane, I saw your cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes standing in your triangular garden. Before that, my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude from your eyes (at a deviation of theta radians) made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated. My love is a quadratic equation with real roots which only you can solve by a binary relation with me. The cosine of my love extends to infinity. I shall not resolve you into partial functions but, if I do, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, meet me at Parabola Restaurant on date 10 when the sun’s angle is 160 degrees (sunset) and my heart will be a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love, from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function,
your ever-loving
Pythagoras.

Categories
Cartoons Miscellaneous

ICICI Bank Cheques

The only way anyone can qualify to be employed at ICICI bank is by proving beyond any substantial doubt that they are insensitive, dimwit morons.
I have been banking for 7 years now, and after fiddling with different banks I can say that: if anybody needs an Ulcer or high blood pressure, then please please go and open an account with ICICI Bank. If you have not lost your temper, felt frustrated or have not given a death threat, then ICICI bank is missing in your life.

The bank tortured me for more than 3 months before they issued me my chequebook/debit card. (This was after I had transferred more than 3 Lakhs into my trading account).

If you intend to call one of their call centers, then please keep the rest of your day free. Firstly, you will be made to listen to a long commercial informing you about different ways to grab your money. Then you would be asked to navigate through a maze of confusing options and any error their would result in being thrown back to square one. After about 20-30 minutes, if you do get a chance to talk to a real person… then the moment you open your mouth, they will say “Sorry, this is a wrong help desk… please chose .. blah blah blah” and before you know you will be back to listening their advertisements and recorded announcements.
If after half an hour or so you do finally are able to get in touch with the right person… then go ahead treat yourself. However, please do not ask them any questions, because those incompetent SoB are not there to help you.

What is triggering this post?

Well on 10th of Oct, I made this big mistake of depositing a high value USD cheque at one of their drop boxes. Being an international financial instrument, the date of issue on the cheque was in standard USA’s month/day/year format (10/01/07) and not in the country’s proprietary day/month/year format. Hence ICICI bank did not forward it to the issuing bank, but returned it to me.

A pardonable mistake… but the only problem was that instead of taking 1-2 days to notify me about this… the bank took 33 days. By this time I not only lost interest on my amount, but also lost more than 5,000/- because the USD weakened and the exchange rates moved in unfavorable direction.

Who should be blamed:
Fool me one, shame on you.. Fool me twice shame on me. 🙁
Inspite of the repeated messages and signs I need to be out of my mind to continue troubling the ICICI Bank with my banking needs.
My mistake. Sorry ICICI bank, I will never trouble you again.

on a lighter note… here is how ICICI call center works

Categories
Investing

BSEL

This is one upcoming real estate company which I seem to fancy. Its probably one of the smallest construction company which is listed in the Indian stock market, but its ambitions are great. Ambition is something which we do not often see in Indian companies, and as it is said… “those who do not dream, go nowhere.
Most of the proposed projects are expected to be completed by 2010. I would recommend you guys to buy a small stake in the company and review the portfolio after 2-3 years. Who knows this might be the next big thing.

The company pays a healthy dividend and the stock is available at a PE of 5.5 so its not very pricey.

PS: I have holdings/interests in all the companies I blog about.

Categories
Humor

13 Things You Wouldn’t Know Without Movies

1. It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

2. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

3. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

6. When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

7. No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

8. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

9. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

10. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

11. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

12. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

13. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

Categories
Thoughts

Outsourcing a wife

I was reading an article about Alison Storr.

She has made a profession out of personal concierge services and charges between $4,000 to $10,000/- per month for performing the duties expected out of an average home-maker.

In today’s world, we recognize the contribution made by our domestic help, our driver, our security guard, almost everybody, but no statistics ever captured the contribution of a housewife. It is well known that the economists do not not attach any value to the services provided by a house-maker/wife to the family, the elderly or the kids. The government take their contribution to the GDP as zilch. More often then not, even the family often does not appreciate them as much as they are worth. Its well known that whenever a guy works late, or is up all night taking a conference call from home, the person who suffers the most is the wife. Yet I have hardly ever heard of a employee’s wife being rewarded for the sacrifices she made for the good of the company.

In today’s job market the skills get outdated very fast, and even one year of break from the career could seriously jeopardize a woman’s prospects of being able to earn her own living. Then why do females give up their careers, their high paying jobs?
Maybe I am being naive, but i am always puzzled by the actions and the decisions of a lady.

Categories
Photography

its festival time folks

Wish you all a very very happy diwali

Categories
Links

Shashi Tharoor @ ICC

This weekend I got to listen to Shashi Tharoor – he was here in CA at a forum along with Sam Pitroda. He gave quite an inspiring talk about India and the what hes doing post-UN. Hes become a lobbyist for “Brand India” and is also involved with a couple of
organizations to improve infrastructure projects.

These clips are from another event in September but he covers few of the same topics here. Thought I’d share these.

India’s multiculturalism

Cell Phones in India

Video of the whole talk:

– Forwarded by Jerin Joy

My goodness, I cannot believe that any of the indian politicians could express themselves so effectively in such simple words.

Categories
Humor

Improvement

Indian Chief, “Two Eagles,” was asked by a white US Government official,
“You have observed the white man for years. You’ve seen his wars and his technological advances. You’ve seen his progress, and the damage he’s done.”
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, “Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?”
The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. “When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, No debt, Plenty buffalo, Plenty beaver, Clean Water, Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing. All night having sex.”
Then the chief leaned back and smiled. “Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.”

Categories
Humor

What Does Love Mean?

1. “When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.”
Rebecca – age 8

2. When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”
Billy – age 4

3. “Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.”
Karl – age 5

4. “Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” Chrissy – age 6

5. “Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.”
Terri – age 4

6. “Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” Danny – age 7

7. “Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss”
Emily – age 8

8. “Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen,”
Bobby – age 7

9. “If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,”
Nikka – age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka’s on this planet)

10. “Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.”
Noelle – age 7

Categories
Humor

Why Men are happy

Men Are Just Happier People– What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

– Forwarded by Ruhi