Categories
Humor life Musings

Joys of Being a Jerk

Having had a brief exposure to the front end of retail sales, I have dealt with all sorts of customers. The ones that come to mind the most are obviously the horrible, screaming ones. They are the kind which makes people in retail despise humanity as a whole. I had often thought when dealing with this type of customers, that I would never do something like this while making a purchase myself. I planned never to scream or make a scene even if my shopping caused me some inconvenience. But then again, the best laid plans of men and mice…

I have a high-end gaming laptop which cost me quite a bit. It is, as expected, an ultimate performance machine which comes with extended warranty. I was having some issues with it recently so I called in the service guy. His diagnostics suggested replacement of a few parts and he committed to complete the task next day at or before 11:30 AM, because that was when the necessary parts would be sent separately by the company. Apparently, parts were delivered separately to ensure genuine products reached the customer. So far, so good.

The next day however, I started getting. apologetic calls from the company from 10:00 AM at an interval of every 20 minutes, explaining possibilities of a delay! Apparently, what had happened was this – Possession of this tres cher laptop made me one of the most valuable customers and in order to get a good feedback, the service guy had made the time commitment too early for their warehouse to adhere to. He arrived on time and had a proper contrite face when I told him that the people on the phone said the delivery could happen by 1:00 PM earliest (by Indian standards, this was not even an issue. Hell, they could have been 24 hours late before anyone except the customer could be bothered).

At this point, knowing the situation, plus my background experience, I should have ideally smiled and said that it didn’t bother me. Instead, the core of my existence, which is twisted and evil, prompted me to have a feel of the other side of the table, being a nasty customer. I purposefully berated the poor guy for wasting my entire day and added some other filler I had heard as a front-end guy. The man immediately started making calls to his bosses and as a result, a delivery van arrived with the parts within half an hour. Before 12:30 PM, my laptop was good and I was golden. My takeaway from this episode can be summed up very simply – The crying baby gets the milk. I think I understand why people do it in a store. Making a scene is not only a surefire way to get your needs fulfilled immediately, but also, there is a chance to receive a bonus to placate you. Also, venting out makes you feel (temporarily) good and doing so publicly makes you seem macho. I did end up giving the service person the best possible rating in his feedback.

Categories
Humor Musings Thoughts

The Kettle Water Situation

I am not ordinarily a superstitious person. I mean, I believe in God, but then that too in a limited fashion. I used to be scared of ghosts as a kid, but to be honest, most of us were. So I can safely call myself a science-oriented person who does not believe in astrology, curses etc. My fervent prayers before the exams and results is something which I hope can be overlooked in this context.

But of late, I have started to observe a trend which has convinced me that my sleep has been jinxed. Simply put, whenever I take a flight and try to sleep, I cannot. Be it any time, any destination, if I want to sleep, I just cannot. The reasons are myriad. Most often than not, its crying babies. Once it was a curious toddler who was fascinated by my beard and kept trying to play with it despite dissuasion from me and its parents. Sometimes, it is the flight attendants, who prove too hot to keep your eyes off. A couple of times it has been the flight turbulence, which left me as a cocktail of half-nauseous and half-paralysed in fear, shaken as well as stirred.

The other side of the coin is if I want to stay awake and get some work done in the course of the flight – I sleep deeply and peacefully. No babies, no turbulence and no attendants. It doesn’t even have to be work; it could be a novel I want to read or simple solitaire on the laptop. The moment I start it, I go off like the light.

I think it is something like water boiling in a kettle. Like Jerome K. Jerome said, if you look at it, it will take forever. So, don’t look at it and pretend you will not need it. It will boil off immediately. Sounds like a perfect fit for my situation. On a profound note, I think the same goes with success and money in life. But then again, it’s easier said than done. When I am sleep deprived, I don’t think I want to play solitaire, I want to sleep, flight or not.