Categories
Humor Thoughts

Happy (?) birthday to you

Birthdays have always had a special place in our lives. The only difference I feel at this point is whose…

Before becoming an engineering student, my birthday was my most important day. But since then, it has always been to the fellows close to my hostel room. Ya, you guessed it. Its bumps time! Also known as GPL, this is the most happening part of anyone’s birthday. Let me give you a small description of what happens in this auspicious ceremony.

The birthday boy (read: victim), starts perspiring and praying fervently that his friends forget his birthday a couple of hours before the clock strikes midnight. People have reportedly gone so far as to change their birth dates from orkut a week before. As the zero hour approaches, his friends, colleagues and basically any frustrated guy living nearby (read: killer-sharks) join together and pull the victim out of his hiding. Then they proceed to lift him in the air and start delivering the following on his rear in a dedicated and purposeful manner:

1.       Kicks

2.       Wet slippers

3.       Knees!

4.       Belts!!!

This ceremony usually continues till the victim cries, the sharks feel they have had enough (this one is theoretical, they never seem to have enough) or someone in his senses decides to take a stand. This may be followed by cakes and a round of drinks. The funny part is: however the victim feels wronged and reviled about this, he eagerly joins the sharks when it’s his neighbours’ turn.

The logic? It is basically taking out all your pent up emotions of how you feel wronged by the prof who didn’t give you marks for what you didn’t study, anger for not being given a good place in a queue despite your mother telling you how special you are, etc etc. So you take your frustration out on me, and I will repay in kind by making you my punching (kicking) bag. Nice emotional release system, eh?

Time up, gotta go and kick some ass…

Categories
Humor Links Thoughts

South Indians and Hindi

First of all Hindi is not our national language, so it is not necessary for people to know it.

However as this guy rightly points out, there are a few barriers to speaking in Hindi as well.

Hindi and Me

So next time feel a bit for those guys who only learn Hindi in school.

Categories
Humor

believers

In a small town, a person decided to open up his Bar business, which
was right opposite to the Temple. The Temple & its congregation
started a campaign to block the Bar from opening with petitions and
prayed daily against his business.
Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to
open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the Bar and it was
burnt to the ground.
The temple folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till
the Bar owner sued the Temple authorities on the grounds that the
Temple through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible
for the demise of his bar shop, either through direct or indirect
actions or means.
In its reply to the court, the temple vehemently denied all
responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to
the bar shop’s demise. As the case made its way into court, the judge
looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:
“I don’t know how I’m going to decide this case, but it appears from
the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer
and we have an entire temple and its devotees that doesn’t.”

—–
BTW Dilbert has given an accurate reason why we most IITians work in a cube farm.

Categories
Humor

Are you a prostitute?


I found this very interesting picture in an email forward. Although on the first glance it looks like a very funny and innovative way to address a very important problem faced by hotel management. And from my experience in tourist places in Goa and Thailand i know how big a turn off these can be.

However on second looks it makes me asks one question. Why is it that a Mexican joint in America trying to put this message in Chinese and not Spanish?
PS: You can dismiss me by saying i think too much 🙁

Categories
Humor

Wedding dresses

Little Billy walks up to his Mom one day while she’s folding clothes, “Mom, why are wedding dresses white?” asks Billy.
“Well honey thats so the Groom knows his Bride is Pure.” After contemplating this for a few days Billy asks his Father. “Dad, why are wedding dresses white?”
Well son, all household appliances come in white”…

Categories
Humor Photography

man of the year

One thing remarkable about this guy is that he has his priorities right.

Categories
Humor

Medical Certificate

I saw this post on Satish’s blog and I strongly recommend that everybody should get it signed by his or her doctor

Certified that Mr. /Miss ____________ _____ , working in your organization, is suffering from ‘time-bound’ illness. Due to this, he will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week.

Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems. The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.

It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as “Come over weekend..”, “Let’s work on holiday..”, “Leave cannot be granted” etc. which can directly lead to heart strokes.

In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.

Sd/-
Dr. Impatient
Cyber Clinic

Categories
Humor

Doctors vs Gun Owners

Doctors
(A) The number of physicians in the United States is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.

Now think about this:

Guns
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. (80 million)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, in all age groups is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.

Statistics courtesy of FBI

==============================================

So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

Remember, ‘Guns don’t kill people, doctors do.’

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat!! We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!

Categories
Humor

New element discovered

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

You might also like my old post on this subject

Categories
Humor Miscellaneous

economics of vanity

i saw this article on my fav blog. and i could not stop laughing.

I RECENTLY overheard an interesting conversation between two co-workers. After a female economist returned from a sun-filled holiday a male colleague (also an economist) remarked, “You look much hotter tan.”

She thanked him, but noted the decision to tan may suffer from time inconsistency. “A tan marginally increases your attractiveness now, but you will regret it in twenty years when your skin looks like leather. One day I will look back and think: why did I bother? I looked fine tan or pale in my youth. You fool yourself tanning by now and thinking you won’t care about the consequences in the future.”

He argued the value of looking your best when young is greater than the value of looking better when old. Beautiful women attract more suitors. Thus, looking great now improves a woman’s marriage prospects. The dividends of which will pay off for the rest of her life (securing the necessary botox). He suspected her discount rate is too low.

She countered as you get older the marriage market become more competitive for women, all the more reason to maintain a smooth complexion. Also vanity does not diminish as you age.

No complement between two economists goes unpunished.