Humor Quotes

Funny Quotes

“I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted!”
– George Best –

“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.”
– Spike Milligan. –

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.
– Agatha Christie –

Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil!
– Golda Meir –

I met this guy who said he loved children, then I found out he was on parole for it.
– Monica Piper –

I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
– Eric Sykes –

I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming.
– Jimmy Carter –

A woman tells her doctor, ‘I’ve got a bad back.’
The doctor says, ‘It’s because of old age’
The woman says, ‘Doctor, I want a second opinion.’
The doctor says: ‘Sure – you’re ugly too’
– Tommy Cooper –

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I
have been searching for evidence which could support this.
– Bertrand Russell –

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some
men should be happier than others.
– Oscar Wilde –

A man explained inflation to his wife thus:
‘When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you’re 42-42-42.
There’s more of you, but you are not worth as much.’ 😛
– Lord Barnett –

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
– Gracie Allen –


A Unique Wedding Card

1st page
2nd page
A word of advice from my best friend:

Statutory Warning : agar tune mere liye ladki dekhe bager shaadi ki to teri bivi ko hi line maarunga!!

sea waves
Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren’t distracted by the total lack of content in your writing.
– Randy K. Milholland

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
– Stephen Leacock



What delights us in visible beauty is the invisible.
– Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

Books have the same enemies as people:
fire, humidity, animals, weather, and their own content.
– Paul Valery

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
– Bernard Bailey

Photography Quotes

motivational pictures

you won't pass this way
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
– Dave Barry
ask for more
Capital punishment is as fundamentally wrong as a cure for crime as charity is wrong as a cure for poverty.
– Henry Ford
the game of love

Humor Quotes

Income Tax Campaign

Now this is what I call a great Advertisement.
anti corruption campaign

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing
– Edmund Burke

This is the reformed version of the famous “3 monkey’s of Gandhi”
See No Evil
Hear no Evil
and Say no Evil.


stupidity quote

There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
No-one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
– Kin Hubbard
If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.
– Margaret Thatcher
Some more quotes


why Quote

Ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
– W. Somerset Maugham

It said, “Insert disk #3” but only two will fit!

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
– Mitch Ratcliffe
Blog Directory

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.
– Henry Ford

In Heaven all the interesting people are missing.
-Friedrich Nietzsche

“Sometimes what’s right isn’t as important as what’s profitable.”
– Trey Parker and Matt Stone


happiness quote.

Those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness.
On the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind, even on some art or pursuit, followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end.
Aiming thus at something else, they find happiness by the way.
-John Stuart Mill

Consience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.
– Evan Esar

Confusion is always the most honest response.
– Marty Indik

If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.
Isaac Asimov


constantly talking is not better communication

“constantly talking is not better communication”
wow… i love this quote… stole this from eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

Humor Quotes


Miss Wormwood:”What state do you live in?”
Calvin :”Denial.”

i work for money. if you want loyalty get a dog
That is the difference between me and the rest of the world… Happiness is not enough for me..I demand EUPHORIA.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.