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Is it time for a change ?

A few weeks ago , there was a major mishap which left the survivors feeling guilty, angry, remorseful, helpless, and confused.
A star student with a promising career in the IT field and the man she was living with committed suicide by laying on railway tracks in the outskirts of the city.
The reason..
The couple could not take the criticisms and disapproval of their respective families and immediate circle of friends .
Its not the usual case of a young couple falling in love and facing the wrath of the parents.
This case is all the more complicated because the man involved is already  married  with 2 young children. His wife is unemployed and is dependent on him for maintenance. He has deserted her to live with this girl whom he had fallen for.
To add insult to injury , this man was the girl’s professor in college and had resigned his job and moved to the city where the girl worked , to live with her.
There has been severe opposition and threats from the girl’s family and none had approved of the relationship.
There is nothing concrete known about the event that triggered this decision but there is speculation that the man’s wife had filed a case and the girl’s father demanded that she resign her job and return to her home-town.
It took some time for me to come to terms with this shocking news, as I had known about this for quite sometime now and had even expressed my views to my friend that she is stupid to have got into such a relationship and that he is using her.

But there are a few things that puzzle me:
1. Who is to be blamed for this ?
the society and the family who did not understand their commitment or the deceased who were cowardly and took the easy way out ?
2. Now that they have proved that they meant something to each other, can we understand and approve such illicit relationships ?
3. why do people who have the courage to get into such relationships do not have the courage to make it work ?
Whatever the reasons, one side-effect of this incident is that , it left me a lot less judgmental. Maybe its time we understood these out of the ordinary relationships and be more tolerant towards them..
After all ,it seems like the heart is a crazy thing with a mind of its own.

9 replies on “Is it time for a change ?”

//
first u say that the guy moved to the city where the girl worked.. then u say that she was unemployed..
can you elaborate more
//

The Professor’s Wife No:1 was unemployed.

Why did they get into a relationship at all? If the Professor has a family, he should stick on to his. The girl on the other hand should not contemplate on marrying a Man who already has a family.

Marrying and then later committing suicide doesn’t mean that they meant something to each other. What is the surity that the Professor will not marry some other girl? If he is ready to leave his family behind and marry a girl, he could also leave this girl anytime and marry another girl. The same holds good for the girl too. What if she finds everything stupid and marries a guy of her age?

//why do people who have the courage to get into such relationships do not have the courage to make it work//

Its like leaping from one end to another end and after leaping contemplating on the fact that whether they would make it to the other end.

If one is getting committed in a relationship both of them should think about the pros and cons and the steps that need to be taken to make the relationships happen. Also, both of them should stay committed. If one steps back, the relationship will be ruined.

By the way, who posted this? I see “Ankur” has posted this and seems to have commented first too. Or is it that the mind of the heart [quote from post: After all ,it seems like the heart is a crazy thing with a mind of its own] which posted the comment?

Voracious Blog Reader

Ankur..

1) first u say that the guy moved to the city where the girl worked.. then u say that she was unemployed..
can you elaborate more? //
Ankur.. I think u shd edit it , if u find it ambiguous.
This case is all the more complicated because the man involved is a married man with 2 young children. His wife is unemployed and is dependent on him for maintenance.//

make it “…because the man involved is already married to another woman..”
The wife is unemployed. This girl was his student at the engineering college where he worked as a professor. He had left his wife and kids to join this girl at the city where she worked.

2) what was the reason for the opposition… caste/religion/money/status/behavior etc… or simply the fact that the girl has chosen her own groom? //
the fact that the guy was married already and had 2 kids. He has shirked his responsibility towards them to be with this girl.

If its not too much trouble , can u please do the necessary editing , Ankur ?

OK let me get this straight.
Man leaves wife and two children to live in another town with his girl friend who works in IT right?

Anyway on to what i believe. People who commit suicide are cowards one way or the other. You took a decision in your life, then you have to face its consequences. I will not say anything about the relationship illicit or whatever because it is a decision they took but committing suicide is stupid.
If you are looking for love then you must be ready to pay it’s price. There is more than just one life involved here. It isn’t just about you.
The blame is on all the people involved but more so the couple who took their own lives. Life isn’t cheap and happiness does not come without its thorns.
I fall upon the thorns of life! I bleed!
As for society which did not accept their relationship, I have just one question to ask? Did it really matter to them when he decided to cast away his wife and two children? If they didn’t seek the approval of society then why do they need an approval now? You can’t have everything in life. Your life is a culmination of the consequences of your action.
As for the third point. Let me just say because it looked good at the point of time. Life has no save game where you can just go down a path for the sake of curiosity and come back to your starting point. As Terry Pratchett once wrote:- The only purpose of Halogen balloons is to make a child understand that if you do not have a hold on life it will fly away.

Hey Dead 🙂
who works in IT right? //
u got it in one !

People who commit suicide are cowards one way or the other. //
I absolutely agree with u .

But I guess , they become desperate and helpless and when the whole lot of the loved ones are against them , it becomes a mental torture.
Timely counselling or just one soul who empathised with them might have helped.

I fall upon the thorns of life! I bleed! //
apt quotation .

one question to ask? Did it really matter to them when he decided to cast away his wife and two children? If they didn’t seek the approval of society then why do they need an approval now? //
Well….they did a lot of things that are not common in our society…but its also obvious that they were under a lot of pressure and criticism. Guilt on one hand and attachment on the other has forced them to take this decision.
But I know that the girl was not accepted by many in her family.

Life has no save game where you can just go down a path for the sake of curiosity and come back to your starting point. //
yes..and some sucumb to helplessness when the decisions they have taken come back to bite them.

what I am trying to say is that just a little bit of understanding and patience could have saved these two souls.

Nice comment , dead. Thanks 🙂

@sree.. i think i wrongly read the context of the entire post…. why don’t u do the necessary edits http://enagar.com/wp-admin/post.php?action=edit&post=887 let me know if the link does not work.

about suicide … even if everything goes horribly wrong… people can always sneak away to a distant land/religious recluse/NGO and start life afresh… whatever pleasures they get in it.. would be worth much more than simple ending it…

i think i wrongly read the context of the entire post….//
hmm..I think I did’nt bring it out well..even dead seems to have had some doubts.

why don’t u do the necessary edits //
done…just a few words.

about suicide … even if everything goes horribly wrong… people can always sneak away to a distant land/religious recluse/NGO and start life afresh… whatever pleasures they get in it.. would be worth much more than simple ending it…//
Ankur…its very easy trying to give solutions or alternate plans. But we need to understand that suicide victims go through a mental trauma , a vicious cycle that goes in circles in their minds..its precisely to escape that torture that these ppl opt to end their lives. Whereever they go or whatever they do , they have to face their own thoughts. Only counselling and timely medical help can help them.

// hmm..I think I did’nt bring it out well..even dead seems to have had some doubts.//
its the thought that is important.. 🙂 and this is a good one.

//Only counseling and timely medical help can help them.//
yups.. and with the nuclear family coming up.. and the aversion of Indians to seek professional help no wonder suicide rates r rising.

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