night out

The older, wiser man was giving advice to a younger bridegroom. “Well, friend, from now on you’re going to have to think twice before you leave your wife alone at night,”
he said. “I guess so,” replied the bridegroom.
His buddy continued, “First, you’ll have to think up a reason for going out and, second, you’ll have to think up a reason why she can’t go along!”
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Fence

One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence.
The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.
The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed “We can assume the length is infinite…” and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it.
The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said “I define myself to be on the
outside.”