Parents Permission

A couple of friends cite parental objection as the reson for breakup. A friend of mine even attached parental permission as one of the covenant to their relationship. All this makes me wonder whether parental pressure is for real of is it just a charade?

I beleive that a lot of relationship have their basis in the desire to have some human contact, to hang out and do time-pass till someone better comes along. There is also a lot of peer pressure which forces people to scout for someone special to talk to, to share with. Over the years, many such relationships mature to love. However quite a few of them just continue to linger around. Hence no of years is no measure of how strong the commitment is.

I have known guys who wouldn’t allow their parents to select a dress for them, because they don’t think that their tastes match. Yet when it comes to relationship, I am surprised so many people cite parental objection as the reason for the breakup.

According to Julian Rotter, Locus of control (LoC) is a very important measure of culture. In cultures like India, people don’t like to own their failures and always are looking for an external reason/event to blame. Hence parents could be an scapegoat for the kid who actually does not want to marry. Also as TRR had pointed, if due to some miracle the horoscope do not match then its a bonanza. If aruged well, it provides with such concrete reason which your partner can never even think of challenging.

Unlike the previous generation, today the youth can afford to disobey their parents. Most of the educated middle class are qualified enough to earn their living independently. Hence the traditional threat that “If you marry her, then I would disown you” does not mean economic ruin for the newly weds. They are still attached emotionally to their family and relatives. However realistically speaking, sooner or later the parents have to come to terms and accept the new bride.

Only in movies you see that the guy brings a girl home and say “Maa, she is your daughter in law”. Most boys ensure that the parents have met the girl atleast once. He might not tell them implicitly at that time, but he surely seeks their approval and value their views. Also parents might not be sure of the son’s intentions at that time, but they feel duty bound to nip the bud, esp. if they find her unworthy and that their son is going astray.

Hence no matter what parents say, the news is rarely a bolt from the blue. All the pressure tactics/emotional blackmail etc is only to test his commitment level and make him aware of that fact. All parents want to see their kids to live happily ever after, hence they don’t want to be an agent of sorrow and interference.

PS: A few years ago, I had listed out few of the reasons that my dear friend gave when she broke off her relationship for an arranged marriage.

4 replies on “Parents Permission”

🙂 well I agree that all the above mentioned facts are excused only in “normal household” of India. If one truely wants to marry their gf/bf, they will find a way arnd parents.

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