puns

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium
at large.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

What’s the definition of a will?
It’s a dead giveaway

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts;
in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road:
poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Special thanks to our friend Mellowdrama from Vizak who painstakingly compiled this list