Scott Adams on Adopting

When I hear about people like Angelina Jolie adopting African orphans, it makes me feel like I’m not doing enough. But I have to be honest – adopting a baby seems like a lot of work, especially when you layer on the “flying to another country” part. I want to be nice, but not THAT nice. I was looking for an easier way to show the world that I’m a good person, and thanks to President Bush, I think I’ve found it.
The President wants people to adopt the embryos that can’t be used for stem cell research. An embryo would be the perfect adopted child. I’d just keep it in the fridge, claim a tax deduction for my new dependent, and fend off the advances of Brad Pitt who would probably be aroused by my caring attitude.
If my embryo gets lonely, I’ll get a few dozen more to keep it company.
I don’t have much food in my fridge, so there would be no problem with storage, at least until the next power outage.
Embryo babies are not as cute as regular ones, I grant you that. But when you consider the convenience and economics of the situation, it’s hard to argue against them. You’d never need to buy clothes for an embryo. It never talks back, and it couldn’t have premarital sex no matter how hard it tried, despite easy access to condiments.
I’m not sure if I’d need to feed it. It probably comes with a pamphlet that tells me that sort of thing. I hope I get one that isn’t a fussy eater. I want to sprinkle lettuce in the Petri dish every few weeks when I think of it and call it good.
The hard part is naming it. I’m thinking along the lines of Amy the Embryo.